25 Thoughts to Get You Through
Almost Any Crisis

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

2. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the
    tracks.

3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of
    preparation.

4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

5. Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

6. Sometimess too much drink is not enough.

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

8. The careful application of terror is also a form of
    communication.

9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real
    world.

10.  Things are more like they are today than they ever have
        been before.

11.  Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

12.  Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no
        simpler.

13.  Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

14.  I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

15.  Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

16.  All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

17.  If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone
        in mind to blame.

18.  One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

19.  By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

20.  Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
        serious.

21.  The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

22.  There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

23.  This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

24.  Never wrestle with a pig: you both get dirty, and the pig
        likes it.

25.  The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before
        you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.